"It's how I want to see it. Whether the glass is half-empty or half-full. Apparently, its half-empty. "
When all smiles turn into ashes, it's when we all know, you are gone. F.O.R.E.V.E.R.
Second day without you, life appears to be going on normally... When deep in my heart, I know it's not. I am still missing you... and is still grieved about your death. Where are you right now? Where are you? Can someone just tell me!?
I think I am going crazy soon. When I'm alone, there will be two demonic voices inside my head. One telling me to gather myself up quickly, and look at life more positively, whereas the other voice is just keeps on reminding me how sad I am indeed feeling towards my cousin's death.
Only my true feelings can be revealed in my blog post. I can't display them out, not in front of my family members or friends. I have to be okay. I have to be strong. I don't want to worry anyone. Not anymore. I totally seek comfort in writing out my true feelings. If only, my sadness and emptiness could be replaced by all these endless writing.
Even if reality hits home, I still can choose not to face it, and run away from it, right?
Bye, Sze Hua. You know you aren't going to be the same anymore.
* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 8:35 PM
Monday, August 30, 2010
" Don't know what's going on Don't know what went wrong Feels like a hundred years I still can't believe you're gone
So, I'll stay up all night With these bloodshot eyes While these walls surround me With the story of our life
Are you really gone forever...? "
Today, experienced how if feels like to lose your family member. I will forever remember that call from my daddy, telling me that shocking piece of news. I broke down. The pain created upon hearing that piece of news, is really beyond description. It's just excruciating pain, and the repeating thoughts of "Where will my cousin go for his afterlife? Is there really such a place calls the heaven?" If heaven really do exist, I sincerely hopes that my cousin will be happy there. Well. At least he no longer needs to be tortured by the pain caused by cancer cells anymore. And no longer needs to cough through the night, and suffers silently from the many others illnesses that implicated from cancer.
Seriously... I don't know how to put whatever I am feeling now into words. I just feel jumbled-up. I am shaken up by the sudden loss of a cousin, and the thought of losing him eternity. A cousin who's fun to be with, and one who had great interest in the area of magic... and one who was giving his all in studies, so as to earn scholarship. One thing I know, the society has just lost one fine man.
I am guilty. I am a sinner. Guilt for not visiting him during his hospitalisation days, guilt for not giving him some words of encouragement when he was fighting so bravely and hardly against those irritating cancer cells, which multiplied themselves more and more. Now, I can only live with the little memories that I had once shared with him.
Cousin,I have no idea where are you now. Is your soul still with us, your family? If you really are still by our side, please listen to me. I love you. I love you for not giving up in the tough battle of fighting against the cancer cells, love you for even trying to comfort us by saying you will live on when you were present. Cousin, I wonder if you passed away peacefully? If those cancer cells were still inflicting pain in you even at your last took of breath?
Do not worry about your family, cousin. My daddy and mummy, along with our uncles and aunts, will offer assistance to them if they need it. Do not worry about your sister. The next time I see her, I will talk to her, and not let her feels bored and left out. Cousin, Rest In Peace. You will always live in my heart. I will always remember you.
* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6:35 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Its a must must watch for the above video, if you are an e.l.f!!! If you don't laugh while watching this video, you are weirdo! Laugh out loud. ( Kyuhyun dancing to Miss A - Bad Girl Good Girl; Eunhyuk dancing to Justin Biber- Baby) Mega cuteness! Mega Epic-ness! :DD
@Hazel.L Haha. Am very happy that you love my present! Love you too, dearest! :D
* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 10:54 PM
Friday, August 20, 2010
C.N. Blue in Singapore! :D
// Yesterday
Hazel dearest didn't come to school! But thank god, I still have my Joanna and Geetha! xD
Choir practice, bonded with my alto section juniors. My biased juniors are Niu Di and Qian Wen! (:
After choir, sat in the canteen, with Nicklaus Oppa and Shuna. Gossiped, talked, spazzed.. anything you can think of. Haha. Nicklaus snatched my handphone away to message Hong Tat! Argh. He totally took control of my handphone for half-an-hour! Complained to JunWei, Elson, YeeYing.. Haha. YeeYing told me to slap him! And I really did! Gave him a slap at his back. Opps! xD
Social Studies lessons: Miss Yeo want us to know how conflict occurs. So, she let us played fishing game and muscial chair. Both games fun fun! The guys in my class totally made both games fun and exciting!
Chinese lessons: For the first few times in my secondary three school life, I am very focused in completeing my chinese class work. Haha. Basically because Fang Cheng is very quiet during tody's chinese lessons, no one to talk to, so.. finished up my class work in total silence!
Physics and English lessons were not boring at all, with Rong Quan and Alvin crapping behind you. Haha.
After school, celebrated dearest's birthday. Then, went to City Square for lunch. A.S.H.Y. 
