Friday, October 30, 2009
Some day, I want to grow and be as tough as Eeteuk oppa. Although he did shed tears, but it's always often, tears of joy. He hide his problems, difficulties, sadness all inside his heart. Because he is the oldest in Super Junior and as the leader of the group, he feel that he has the responsibility to be optimistic and influence the members of Super Junior positively. He is caring enough to not let his dongsaengs* worry about him by acting tough, putting on a strong front. But, actually, I'm sure his dongsaengs will be more than happy to be able to help share his problems, to be able to lessen his burdens.
I remember, there was once when I was reading his Cyworld*, I came across a post of him mentioning that he is very tired...etc. So, I really hope Eeteuk oppa will continue to be strong and happy. Eeteuk oppa, please live healthily! Hwaiting*, oppa! Continue laughing with your signature laugh!
- dongsaengs: younger brothers
- Cyworld: most korea stars use this site as their blog
- hwaiting: 'jiayou' in korean
//
Bewildered. For the first time, my mother never really show discontent with my results. She just sat and listened to what Miss Murty and Mr Goh had to say. She repeated one sentence that Miss Murty told me. "Sze hua, you must work harder." Well, is it that my mother is resigning to fate, since my results are always like this. I don't know....
{EDIT}
I should have know better. I should not be glad when my parents didn't rebuke me. Because I never know that the feeling will be so bitter when I try to congratulate another person who did better for their examinations. It's only at that moment, shame and guilt overcame me. I could really have done so much better... Why do I only regret not working even harder now... It could have prevent me to be consumed with utter misery now. Why do you all have to ask for my results? If you all have not asked me for my results, I could have jolly well being spared from this heartache. I felt so lousy losing to you guys. Why can't I just win for one glory moment? Why must I always be the loser? I HATE TO LOSE! ....
So what if I feel another bout of tears coming? Tears just can't change the fact that I have already lost. But contradicting, I am still crying.
* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_
6:02 PM
